This week President Bush announced sanctions against Iran. If there’s one thing that America should have learned over the past eight years, it’s that war in the Arabian Gulf region does nothing for America. We do not have cheaper oil, we are no more safe now than we were before 9/11. We are not consuming all terrorist resources “fighting them over there instead of over here.” But where is there? Where is here? I suspect folks in Germany do not consider themselves integral to any war on terror. But Germany has been targeted. I am guessing Michigan, Florida, Chicago, (insert your state or town here), all count as “over here” but the question is: Even if we turn all of the Arabian region into a fun-filled theme park, would we have stopped these wackos from trying to carry out plots against Americans?

It took America five years to even figure out who was a terrorist. We’re still not REALLY sure. Bottom-line is: if we think you are, then you are. If we think you’re not, well…then you probably are, but we’ll let you in our country as long as you remember: YOU ARE BEING WATCHED AT ALL TIMES. Note: Cease communication and start running if you see someone approaching you sporting this lapel pin.

As you count your blessings over the course of the next few months of the holiday season, remember what makes America great. Next year will be election season and the hyperbole and exaggerations will be flying faster than a politician denying a crime.

We have a rule in America: If you are a politician getting a blowjob, then we try to run you out of office because you’re a sick, immoral pervert who lowers the standards of society. But if you’re giving the blowjobs, then we just pull out our peckers and get in line because after all, who doesn’t like a good blowjob?

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After all he didn’t even commit a crime, everyone knows that Valarie Plame wasn’t even covert…

Oh she was?

Well everyone knows that Scooter didn’t blow her cover… what’s that?

Oh, that isn’t why he was going to jail?

It was perjury?

Oh, Right, I forgot that…

Well, that doesn’t matter because he wasn’t guilty of perjury because he shouldn’t have been on the stand in the first place, since everyone knows that it was Joe Wilson that outed Plame…

What now?

I’m pretty sure it was Joe… that’s what Rush said.

Well, even if it wasn’t him then it was probably Richard Armitage so Scooter should go FREE!

Uh-huh…

You’re saying that none of that matters if he lied to the grand jury.

Umm…

Well, no I don’t know why he would have lied if there was no cover-up. But that doesn’t matter because I’m sure that with any other non-biased special-prosecutor the charges wouldn’t have been brought against him, he’s obviously completely innocent. This was totally political.

Oh…

That’s right… Bush did say he was guilty in his statement but his sentence was way to harsh. So yeah, I mean he did lie a little bit under oath but the sentence was OUT OF CONTROL so Bush let him out.

No, I don’t know why he didn’t just shorten the sentence then…

Well, Clinton totally pardoned people that were really criminals so this is totally OK.

Of course I was really pissed about that then, especially Frank Rich.

YES TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT! CLINTON DID IT FIRST.

I’M TELLING MY MOM!

*click*

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Beware the ides of March he says. Well maybe in your lifetime Billy, but in my life I beware the ides of April more. Today is a day to be wary. Happy 420 all! And an unhappy anniversary of so much more. I have always heard 420 is the day it is because 420 is the police code for marijuana possession. But we must take the good with the bad I’m afraid so here’s a little list of what to remember to forget about today.

• April 20, 1792 France declares war on Austria beginning the French Revolutionary War.
• April 20, 1889 Adolf Hitler is born.
• April 20, 1961 A debacle knowns as the Bay of Pigs takes place.
• April 20, 1997 An inferno begins in Grand Forks Minnesota as a result of massive flooding.
• April 20, 1999 12 students and a teacher are massacred at Columbine High School in Littleton, CO.
• April 20, 1999 The largest single bombing by the US of Kosovo in the Kosovo War.
• April 16, 2007 The single largest mass murder in US history takes place at Virginia Tech.
• April 15, Always:Tax Day

Do me favor, enjoy your holiday and forget what you’ve seen here today, but remember to be careful. And to smoke with a special friend today.

HAPPY 420!!!

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It was just released on the washington post site that the “gunman” Cho Seung-Hui at V-tech had written “Ismail Ax” on the inside of his arm.  This is some sort of reference to Ibrahim who used it in a violent manner to allow Islam to flourish.

This development will give this story a fairly long tail and really help the fear-mongering of the admin.  In addition I’m worried that we’ll see further justification for some of the more odious aspects of the patriot act…  It’s going to get ugly.  Buckle up.

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