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My favorite part of Tracey Ullman’s State of the Union is her Arianna Huffington impression. Here’s a clip from the first episode, and it only gets funnier. Blogs and kisses!
In last week’s South Park, an nation-wide internet outage triggers a mass migration to Silicon Valley. This clip is a hilarious parody of The Grapes of Wrath. I can’t figure out how to embed the video, but here’s the link.
This is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while.
Banana Mascot Scares People To Death
Normal stores stuck on the ground, they strike me as mundane.
That’s why I choose to only shop from Skymall on a plane.
I’ve got a watch that sets itself with satellites in space
And glasses with a fifty inch TV for on my face.
My luggage is the kind preferred by golfers who are pro.
In my my pocket there’s a GPS to tell me where to go.
My grill at home’s accessorized with lights and other things,
Like a doodad on my belt that when my steak is done it dings.
A hanging upside down device keeps my back from getting sore
But when it is I’ve got a plastic stick to rub it more.
I have a toaster oven that’s designed by Wolfgang Puck
And an underwater vacuum–what an extraordinary suck!
My vest has weights. My pet-foods timed. My shoes have built in springs.
I’ve hundreds of alarm clocks, one shoots helicopter things.
There’s a device that’s made specifically to help me fall asleep,
A whooshing sound or waterfall, it sure beats counting sheep.
A stress reducing wrist band that needs a battery.
A pair of golfing glasses make my balls easy to see.
My bike fits in a back-pack1 that I wear when I can’t ride
Like when I walk to aerate my lawn with spikes on my shoes outside.
Speaking of lawns mine’s always well lit for my lights have solar powers.
The sun also charges a vibrating thingy that keeps the moles out of my flowers.
The walk to my house has a gazing ball that’s twenty-three inches and glows
And you can’t tell how I water my grass ’cause a flower pot hides my hose.
I’ve got a step to help my dog get up into my bed,
A gate to keep him from the kitchen, an urn for when he’s dead2.
My golf cart looks like an Escalade1, it cost me twenty grand.
There are hanging seats I hook on my truck, when I tailgate I don’t have to stand.
For my wife I’ve gotten a lot of things like roses dipped in gold,
and her make up mirror has a light so she won’t look so old.
The largest crossword in the world, the smallest helicopter too.
A Star Wars traveling battleship game and litter robot for poo.
A robot shark and floating black jack game–My pool is full of shit!
A little boat that brings the drinks to the chair in which I sit.
Theft is no concern of mine. I’ve cameras all around
And a folding ladder just in case my house is burning down.
There’s a spot on my mantle for Harry’s wand and other wizard things.
I’ve also a copy of Frodo’s sword ’cause he’s the Lord of the Rings!
There are handles for my toilet so I don’t fall down when I poop
And life is so much easier with a heated ice-cream scoop.
A robot Elvis talks to me and sings at my command.
Oxidation I fear not with my rustproof towel stand1.
Believe you me, I’ve got more things, this list is only some
But my plane is boarding. I’ve got to fly! SKYMALL HERE I COME!
1 This used to be in skymall I swear… they must have stopped selling it.
2 Not actually sold by skymall… slackers.
It seems the Limeys have adopted “The Gambler” as their fight song while waiting for matches to begin. It has seemed to work as England have advanced to the finals of the Rugby World Cup after beating heavily favored Australia in the quarter-final match and France in the semi-final. England’s opponent in the final will be South Africa. It is hard to choose who I will root for…will it be the people who repressed the Irish for years and will not let the country be unified, or those responsible for apartheid? Whatever the case, I will be at Brit’s this Saturday at 2 p.m. to watch it — as of now. There is a $20 cover ($10 for students) free pastries, free parking and $3.50 Heineken specials.
Send me an e-mail if you are interested in watching Saturday…
Oh, and Kenny, enough with the face lifts, OK?
A couple of weeks ago Stephen Colbert issued a challenge to Dennis Kucinich to come on his show and empty his pockets. Tonight’s the night!
Hey, Minneapolis City Council…let me get something straight here. According to you, it is illegal to carry “fake” guns, yet I can get a concealed-carry permit and carry my real gun around? Are you seriously wasting your time with this shit?
Have all elected officials across this country gone completely mad? Is this some sort of joke?
Votes to condemn MoveOn.org…votes to condemn Rush Limbaugh…meanwhile hundreds of people are DYING in Iraq every day. And now we are sleepwalking toward a war with Iran. And all I can do is blog about it because I feel helpless to change anything. We the people? Fuck that…it ain’t we the people anymore. It hasn’t been for a long, long time.
I am mad as hell and I’m not going to take this any more!
I watch this clip and all I can think of was the story that several 905ers almost died when Lynch nearly blew the corner out in front of 905. Particularly I think of this when watching the second car — something that looks an awful lot like a Rabbit — miss this terrible Rally corner…
Apparently it has become fashionable for prisoners to stage music videos and post them on Youtube. Here’s a take on Michael Jackson’s
Thriller:
Girl Talk. Download - pay what you can. - #
Phish reunites to tour in 2009. - #
Here's a helpful and depressing tutorial on the current financial crapstorm, in cartoon form. I'm having a hard time figuring out who did the video, but it was linked to on Cosmic Variance. - #
MoveOn.org is giving away free Obama buttons. Almost 2 million ordered so far. - #
If I had married Tea Leoni and starred in film and TV with Gillian Anderson, I would have the exact same problem. How many love children do you have David? - #