As a wii owner for nearly a year now I’ve yet to feel like it’s a solid video game console.  Sure I still have fun with people playing wii sports and to a lesser degree wii play.  I even like to pick up some single player monkey-ball once in a while.  I’ve yet to try some of the sports games like The Bigs (baseball) and Super Mario Strikers (soccer) and I expect them to be passable but I’ve never defined my gaming experience by sports games and I doubt I ever will.  So where are the wii games that I want to play?

I had very high hopes for Metroid, I’ve always loved first person shooters (even on consoles) and I was psyched to use the nunchuck wii-mote as the natural fps controls that they are (I liked the controls of call-of-duty wii, but the game was lame).  So along comes Metroid and I was expecting something solid, and maybe it is, but it certainly isn’t fun.  I suspect I had too high of hopes, I really expected multi-player.  It was on the DS Metroid, why wouldn’t the wii have it?  I have no idea.  I’d have rather had a multi player only Metroid than a single player only, alas.

Metroid is a puzzle game disguised as an action game and with out a really fast puzzle-solve-time an fps is a terrible interface for puzzles.  Apart from the anti-intuitive design concept the game is full of other crappy game things like back tracking and looking for differences in textures to identify hidden shit.  I want to shoot things not spend my time combing levels through a black and white filter that requires me to hold a button for about three seconds every time there is something that might be necessary to complete the next section but usually isn’t.  Please.  In the review by Game Informer (a Minnesota grown gaming magazine) the editor had the balls to suggest that there wasn’t enough back tracking in this game and that the backtracking is what made Metroid special…  I’m canceling my subscription.

I guess there’s still some hope.  There’s a new resident evil coming, a shooter on rails that looks promising.  There’s also a new Fatal Frame being made by Suda-51 the guy who gave us Killer 7 one of the strangest games I’ve ever had the opportunity not to finish.  Apart from that powder is of importance.

Since I’ve been biking to work I’ve found that when wearing business clothes during the commute it’s helpful to apply a powder to strategic areas.  At first I used some powder I found laying around–Goldbond.  I liked the effect but Goldbond has a distinct mediciney smell that I’m not fond of.  Sometime later my significant other was heading to the drug store so I requested that she pick up some powder that was a little less mediciney, a little more manly and a little more sexy.  She brought me a big bottle of Vagisil powder.  She still claims this meets my criteria…  I disagree.