Get In Line America!

This week President Bush announced sanctions against Iran. If there’s one thing that America should have learned over the past eight years, it’s that war in the Arabian Gulf region does nothing for America. We do not have cheaper oil, we are no more safe now than we were before 9/11. We are not consuming all terrorist resources “fighting them over there instead of over here.” But where is there? Where is here? I suspect folks in Germany do not consider themselves integral to any war on terror. But Germany has been targeted. I am guessing Michigan, Florida, Chicago, (insert your state or town here), all count as “over here” but the question is: Even if we turn all of the Arabian region into a fun-filled theme park, would we have stopped these wackos from trying to carry out plots against Americans?

It took America five years to even figure out who was a terrorist. We’re still not REALLY sure. Bottom-line is: if we think you are, then you are. If we think you’re not, well…then you probably are, but we’ll let you in our country as long as you remember: YOU ARE BEING WATCHED AT ALL TIMES. Note: Cease communication and start running if you see someone approaching you sporting this lapel pin.

As you count your blessings over the course of the next few months of the holiday season, remember what makes America great. Next year will be election season and the hyperbole and exaggerations will be flying faster than a politician denying a crime.

We have a rule in America: If you are a politician getting a blowjob, then we try to run you out of office because you’re a sick, immoral pervert who lowers the standards of society. But if you’re giving the blowjobs, then we just pull out our peckers and get in line because after all, who doesn’t like a good blowjob?