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Anyone See Roger Ebert Lately?

Posted by Czech Air on April 30th

Read More: Pop-Culture, The Internets, Movies, Television

He is going through some rough shit right now and the first pictures of him were released on the 24th. The Chicago Eightandfivers may know this already, but I just found out and was shocked. I knew he was going through an illness, but I had no idea. According to the Ebert-penned article, this is how it all went down:

What happened was, cancer of the salivary gland spread to my right lower jaw. A segment of the mandible was removed. Two operations to replace the missing segment were unsuccessful, both leading to unanticipated bleeding.

A tracheostomy was necessary so, for the time being, I cannot speak. I make do with written notes and a lot of hand waving and eye-rolling. The doctors now plan an approach that does not involve the risk of unplanned bleeding. If all goes well, my speech will be restored.

The article is a good read and he is facing his disfigurement and illness with great strength…

“Settlers” Goes Live

Posted by bongo on April 30th
Read More: Video Games

Catan Live! The big news for XBOX Live this week is Settlers of Catan will become available Wednesday, May 2nd. No Xbox? No problem. Unlike the Nintendo Wii, you can stroll down to your local Target and pickup an Xbox. You can even accessorize…but most importantly you will need an XBox Live subscription…plus, you will need to be willing to shell out an extra $10 bucks to download Catan.

First person to port it to PC for a Linux version wins a cookie. If anyone finds a torrent of this I would be interested.

Of course, it just doesn’t have the same appeal to me of sitting across from human beings and drinking and joking all night.

Then again, I have a level 70 ‘toon in WoW so I can’t really say I need human interaction to enjoy a video game.

I do enjoy video games more when I know a human is controlling the “other team” as opposed to just trying to figure out a really hard puzzle.

Go buy an Xbox kids! The Wii is sold out forever!

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Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night!

Posted by bongo on April 25th
Read More: Technology, Pop-Culture, Religion, Science, Arbitrary conclusions, Off Topic, Sci-Fi, Breaking News, No Shit, Rhetorical Questions, War, Poetry, Battlestar Galactica, Scary

Beam me up!Scientists have announced that a new rock floating through space, Gliese 581 c may be a habitable planet. If this is the case, we will need to start thinking about ways to get there. Hell, we’ve been thinking about it as a species for years but we need to put aside social and political differences and really work toward finding a way to migrate to a new habitable planet. We don’t even need to live there really. We just need to be able to grow food on the planet until we find more planets capable of sustaining life.

Once we discover a planet capable of supporting farming, we can send our robo-workers to do do all the heavy lifting and humans will make future livings as Teamsters. Only we’ll all be piloting space ships delivering foodstuffs and repair parts back and forth. Ice Pirates anyone? It may have been an entertaining farce in 1984, but if we as the human race want to go out with a bang, not a whimper, then we really need to start making real progress into deep-space exploration and migration.

We need inter-galactic spaceships capable of traversing millions of miles a la Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek.

Think of it as science fiction if you must…but things change. Sometimes, fantastic stories that were once considered fiction lead to discovery.

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MN YOUNG DEMOCRATS CONVENTION THIS WEEKEND!

Posted by TheJackal on April 24th
Read More: Politics, Ask EightAndFive

Since we’re a little political around here, because this guy is a good friend of mine, and because I built him a website to support his campaign, I am posting a mass mail to eightandfive. This mail will go out to people who’ve participated in the Minnesota Young DFL in the past, but the convention is open to anyone who is a Democrat and under the age of 36. We’re just trying to get as many people to this event as possible. Also, I haven’t sent this out yet so if you see any errors in it, let me know:

Dear Young DFLer,

As a young Democrat your opportunity to help us determine the future of youth organizing in the DFL party is here. This Saturday, April 28th the College Democrats of Minnesota and the Minnesota Young DFL will hold joint conventions to merge our organizations. At this convention we’ll be choosing new leadership for the new organization. The College Convention is at 11am at Edison High in NE Minneapolis. The MYDFL convention is at noon at Edison High in NE Minneapolis.
For directions go to our website listed below. Come and help us build our new organization into a strong organizing tool to elect Democrats in Minnesota.

I am running for chair to put my six years of organizing experience to work for the MYDFL to build our core competencies to help elect Democrats. If you believe it is time for us to get serious about organizing young people now then join me on Saturday, April 28th at 11 and let’s build this new organization.

Thank you so much for your help,

Shaun Laden
612.718.9070
http://victory2008.mn

P.S. If you can make it please bring a friend with you. To win we’ll need lots of people and you can help us double our support by asking someone you know to help us out. Let me know if you can bring someone.

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IDK Billy Boy

Posted by Alex on April 20th
Read More: Memes, Natural Disasters, Arbitrary conclusions, Every Category, Mixed Nuts, War, Sad, nazi

Beware the ides of March he says. Well maybe in your lifetime Billy, but in my life I beware the ides of April more. Today is a day to be wary. Happy 420 all! And an unhappy anniversary of so much more. I have always heard 420 is the day it is because 420 is the police code for marijuana possession. But we must take the good with the bad I’m afraid so here’s a little list of what to remember to forget about today.

  • April 20, 1792 France declares war on Austria beginning the French Revolutionary War.
  • April 20, 1889 Adolf Hitler is born.
  • April 20, 1961 A debacle knowns as the Bay of Pigs takes place.
  • April 20, 1997 An inferno begins in Grand Forks Minnesota as a result of massive flooding.
  • April 20, 1999 12 students and a teacher are massacred at Columbine High School in Littleton, CO.
  • April 20, 1999 The largest single bombing by the US of Kosovo in the Kosovo War.
  • April 16, 2007 The single largest mass murder in US history takes place at Virginia Tech.
  • April 15, Always:Tax Day
  • Do me favor, enjoy your holiday and forget what you’ve seen here today, but remember to be careful. And to smoke with a special friend today.

    HAPPY 420!!!

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“Ismail Ax” Let the hating begin

Posted by Oscar on April 17th
Read More: Politics, Religion, Memes, Natural Disasters, Breaking News, neocons, Large Gathering of Idiots, Scary, Sad, Depressing, Red Herring

It was just released on the washington post site that the “gunman” Cho Seung-Hui at V-tech had written “Ismail Ax” on the inside of his arm.  This is some sort of reference to Ibrahim who used it in a violent manner to allow Islam to flourish.

This development will give this story a fairly long tail and really help the fear-mongering of the admin.  In addition I’m worried that we’ll see further justification for some of the more odious aspects of the patriot act…  It’s going to get ugly.  Buckle up.

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Can any prison hold Kasparov?

Posted by Oscar on April 16th
Read More: Politics, Pop-Culture, Ask EightAndFive, Arbitrary conclusions, Breaking News, Large Gathering of Idiots, Chess, Russia, KGB

chess.jpgKasparov was just arrested for posing some sort of threat to the Putin regime. What I don’t understand is how they expect to keep him in. I’m sure he saw this coming, even if he isn’t at the top of his game he’s probably playing 30 moves ahead. I expect that he knows that by getting arrested he’s guaranteeing that his party will upset the status quo for the next election. Either that or he can just get out and elude capture until he stealthily sneaks into the Kremlin and takes the crown himself (they still use a crown in Russia don’t they?).

CHECK MATE PUTIN!

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Avoiding a DWI

Posted by bongo on April 11th
Read More: Ask EightAndFive

There are several techniques to successfully avoid a DWI. The following methods can be successfully used by trained professionals. The methods are tried and true when implemented by trained professionals only.

WARNING: Do NOT attempt any of these techniques without the leadership and guidance of trained professional.

If this advice is properly followed you will successfully avoid getting a DWI/DUI. If, on the other hand, you end up in the slammer with a huge jail sentence and you lose everything…then you did it wrong.

Method 1:
The Sober Employee. If you are out with a few friends who are all drinking, you will need to talk to a Sober Employee at the end of the night. You will need your sober employee to tell you who is speaking with the least amount of slurred words. The person named by your Sober Employee will serve as your drunk driver. Bartenders and bouncers will usually be willing to help you out. These people generally want you to leave the bar so they can lock up and go home after their shift ends. Note: Do not ask a cop or any other person of authority. Just because they are sober does not mean they are your friends.

Method 2:
Alternatively, you can take a mini-tape recorder to the bar and at the end of the night when you and your group of friends are in the car, take turns reciting the following sentence into the tape recorder:

I saw Susie sitting in a shoe shine shop. Where she sits she shines, and where she shines she sits.

Your driver is the person who does not say the word “shits” into the tape recorder. If you are in a car chock full ‘o drunks like I usually am, then proceed to Method 3.

Method 3:
Speed. This does not mean doing illegal amphetamines, rather, it means you will need to drive as fast as possible to get home. You will want to do this within reason of course. But if you are driving home slightly faster after bar close, then cops will think you have nothing to hide. If, however, you are driving the speed limit or slightly slower then you are immediately a suspect and give probable cause.

The added bonuses of speeding home include but are not limited to:

  • You may not recall driving at all,
  • It is more difficult to swerve the faster you drive, thus you will need to make fewer course corrections,
  • You will be home faster,
  • You will whip right by the drunks who got pulled over for driving too slow.
  • Method 4:
    The Six Pack. This method involves banding together with as many drunks as possible. Ideally, you will have determined which drunk is speaking with the least amount of slurring in order to determine who drives.
    The key to the six pack method relies on the officer involved being willing to process each drunk in the car. Thus, the more drunks you pack in, the better.
    A cop will definitely give a DWI to a solo driver…but add five or ten more to the mix and there’s not a cop on Earth who will want to do that much paperwork. You have to make sure your driver seems sober enough to drive home…if he or she is more drunk than the passengers, the cop might shoot you all and plant heroin in your car. After all, bullets are cheaper than jail cells.

    Method 5:
    The Stoner. Get a lot of weed. Get a stoner friend who enjoys driving while stoned. Generally, if you give a stoner enough dope they will only drink enough booze to wet their whistle. Sometimes the stoner will even just want water or some other kind of non-alcoholic beverage. This is a rare find and one you should covet immensely.
    Use your stoner with caution. If you are pulled over and an officer smells dope, you will have more problems than a DWI. Always plant your stash in the trunk and never let a cop inspect the trunk. Make him get a warrant. If you give a cop permission to inspect your car or your trunk, it’s like letting in a Vampire. The cop will keep looking until he finds something. If he doesn’t find anything he might bite your neck for the hell of it anyway. Then everyone’s dead.

    Method 6:
    Carnegie Hall. This is like the old joke about tourists in New York asking, “Which way to Carnegie Hall?” To which the cool cat from NYC replies, “Practice, man, practice.”
    Study the road sobriety tests. Become intimately familiar with them. You must be able to perform them while drunk, so repeat the tests until you can do them while absolutely hammered.
    The authorities will say that one cannot practice for road sobriety tests but this is a lie. Unless a cop pulls out a Breathalyzer or a blood kit, you should be able to pass the “walk the line”, “touch your nose” or “say the alphabet backwards” tests as long as you have practiced. It is a good idea to not practice these tests as you are preparing to drive. It might tip off an observant cop.

    Summary:
    Don’t drink and drive without a plan. If you choose to drink and drive, be prepared. You may not fool the cops, but you will want to convince them you are sober…at least sober enough to drive home.

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    Web Pages to be Visited Regularily

    Posted by Oscar on April 10th
    Read More: Video Games, Arbitrary conclusions, Blogs, Podcasts (augblios), Comics

    Here are a couple Blogs that everybody needs to visit occasionally:

    The Proceedings of the Athanasius Kircher Society
    This site is all about natural/scientific curiosities and it’s wonderful.

    XKCD
    The best comic online since The Masked Mushroom. Make sure you read every single one.

    The Last Psychiatrist
    Not sure how sound his medical advice/observations are but they are entertaining and he sounds like he knows what he’s talking about.

    1up Yours
    This is the best video game podcast, give it a couple of episodes–it grows on you. Also at this site: 1up Podcasts there are some others by the 1up/egm/gfw teams includint a World of Warcraft specific podcast and the GFW (games for windows) podcast. The latter of which has some of the best voice work you’ll hear on any podcast (dude does a nerd voice and the whiskey nerd–also “heroes of the web” is always great).

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    A Pirate Looks At 70

    Posted by Czech Air on April 6th
    Read More: No Shit

    Lando Calrissian turns 70 today. I can’t even believe it.

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    If I had married Tea Leoni and starred in film and TV with Gillian Anderson, I would have the exact same problem. How many love children do you have David? - #

    An 8n5 August Superbowl dream prediction: Packers vs. Jets, the Heir Apparent vs. the Air up There! - #

    LCDs are getting cheaper, but this is a top-rated 22" monitor and is a sweet deal available at General Nanosystems in Minneapolis. I picked one up yesterday. (8/5) The sale is over! - #

    World's first Tesla crash? Maybe... - #

    This Wired commentary pretty much sums up the grind of an MMORPG. For me, the grind is a love/hate relationship. - #

    The King is Dead. Maybe JT can bring spam back next! - #