Jack Bauer Interrogates Chunk
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Jack Bauer Interrogates Chunk
Twelve-year-old Deamonte Driver died of a toothache Sunday. It was actually the bacterial infection that spread from his tooth throughout his brain that killed him, but it didn’t help that the system was sort of rigged against him.
While I can attest that toothache pain is unbearable and I know that in the past it could be lethal, I would never expect anyone in today’s age of technological advancement to actually die from an abscessed tooth. I don’t have any idea how much pain this kid must have endured as the infection spread but he must have been strong-willed to have resisted the pain for so long.
If this kid had been old enough to join the military, he would have gotten free medical care. That’s a welfare system everyone in America can support. After all, how else will we legally kill off the uneducated and indigent? Oh yeah…do not provide medical care…
And they took down my previous clip, let’s see how KTCA’s lawyers are. Anyone remember this? Extra credit if you can name the band who composed the theme song. No cheating by looking in the video description.
Newton’s Apple
Dear Anybody On Earth Running For President In The Next Election,
First of all: TOO SOON!
1) If you announce that you’re running for office more than a year before the election I’m not voting for you. Consider that you have to give stump speeches for longer than a year. With Youtube and bloggers you’re going to have to keep thinking of new material and that’s going to be very difficult. Even if you have the creative chops and miraculous speech writers the longer you run the more likely you are to say something stupid (drop out now Biden). If you’re reading this and you’ve already announced your candidacy DROP OUT. Perot dropped four months before the election and joined up again a month before and almost won. If you drop out now people will forgive you, especially if you say something about how these damn campaigns are starting TOO SOON and costing TOO MUCH MONEY. Re-enter 3 months before the election, you’ll be fresh you’ll have a ton of money (just invest what you have now in Apple, Google and Nintendo) and people will love it. I’ll love it. I’ll vote for you.
Now that that’s said I’d like to get to the real reason I’m writing this letter, Political Cliché Reform. Political Cliché’s are stupid, they make you look stupid, they make the people listening to you feel stupid, they make our children stupid, they make our enemies think we’re stupid, etc…
If you use any of the following clichés I will not vote for you:
2) “_________ the course” Stay, Change or otherwise. Say it and lose my vote.
3) “Talk the talk” or “Walk the talk” or any other variation that is always used incorrectly and always sucks. I definitely don’t vote for people who can’t even use a cliché properly.
4) “America is the greatest country!” This is racist. I don’t vote for racists.
5) “The world changed on 9/11″ This is technically true but so is “the world changed on 9/10″. Don’t use a disaster to justify fear (leads to the dark-side). I don’t vote for fear-mongers… or Sith.
6) “Flip-Flop” Unless you’re referring to shoes I’m voting for someone else.
7) “Keep all of our options open” everyone knows this means, “we will bomb them if we feel like it,” just say that. I won’t vote for you in either case, but the latter is more honest.
“Terrorists” this word is officially a cliché. It’s used for anyone who fights for a cause that we don’t like–no criteria beyond that. Putting this on my list is likely to make it so I can’t vote for anyone… *sigh*
9) “Islamo-Fascists” This makes no sense and using it means you don’t know what fascism is. I won’t vote for someone who doesn’t know what fascism is.
10) “Fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them here” the dumbest one on this list. It would be equally valid to say “Eat pudding so we don’t have to fight them here”. Anytime I hear someone repeat this, a little piece of my soul dies. I don’t vote for people who kill my soul.
A military judge in Fort Campbell, KY sentenced Sergeant Paul Cortez to 100 years in prison and a dishonorable discharge for his involvement in the rapes and murders of a family of Iraqi civilians.
Paul Cortez told the court he didn’t know why he participated in the rape and murders.
Indeed. How can anyone know why? Why would someone participate in such a grisly crime?
Here’s how the military works in America: Young men and women sign a contract to complete a federal term of service. The government trains them in skills such as:
The above list is is available at GoArmy.com in the job description for 11B.
I understand that rape and murder does not make the above list.
But how as a society can we be appalled at the actions of a few soldiers who go off the deep end when they get into combat? We BEGGED them to go overseas and we APPLAUD them for doing the dirty work so we don’t have to.
Support OUR Troops!
We wanted people to go kill so badly that we trained these men to kill. They killed. All we need now is a “Mission Accomplished” banner and a flyby.
There is a way to prevent this from happening:
Stop War.
While playing Apples to Apples at the cabin up near Grand Marais, one of the categories was “Unforgettable”. Someone played the card “Giant Squid.” Everyone thought it was a pretty stupid card to be played, but the player argued, “Hey man, if you ever ran across a Giant-Effing Squid you would think it was unforgettable!”
Case in point: New Zealand fisherman have not only had an unforgettable experience, but they set a world record for the largest Giant Squid ever reeled in.
That pretty much seals it for me. From now on when someone suggests you come up with something you would always remember for the rest of your life, I will think of: a Giant Squid.
What would YOU think of as “unforgettable?”
Is it wrong for me to find that picture arousing?
I’m a pretty big David Lynch Fan, so when I caught word that his newest film Inland Empire was getting out in limited release, I had to see if it was coming to Minneapolis. I was happy to find that according to it’s website, it was opening here in Minneapolis last weekend…
The Problem was, I couldn’t figure out where they had it playing. It wasn’t listed at the the Uptown or Lagoon and it wasn’t at the Walker. I probably could have called these places to ask about it, but never did.
Amazingly, I was trying to get a couple beers Saturday night at the 331 Club (cool bar by the way) and happened to over-hear a guy talking about having seen it. I asked where and he said the Oak Street Cinema. He went on to explain the theater is in some amount of disrepair and the movie wasn’t very good, but I told him I still had to try and see it…
It runs now threw March 1st. I plan to go waste 3 hours of my life sometime between now and then watching a movie that will undoubtedly make no sense. If anyone else is interested, let me know.
Why is it when people decide that they need to kill someone in the name of God, they almost always have an extreme beard? Daniel Petru Corogeanu conspired with four nuns to exorcise a demon from another nun.
The nun being “exorcised” died.
Will a future “Book of Daniel” document these people as killers or martyrs?
In 2005, how can people believe that chaining someone up and starving them to death will exorcise a demon?
Three-hundred years ago we had the Salem Witch Trials. It all looks barbaric now. Dunking a suspected witch to determine whether or not one has been practicing witchcraft seems ridiculous but here we are in an entirely new millennium and we have people passing judgment and killing other people in the name of God.
Thank God for freedom of religion!
Starting with the least offensive and going down to the worst show on TV…
8. Local Nightly News – There is only one reason for any local affiliate to continue to broadcast local news. That would be to in fact, give people updates on things that happen locally that are newsworthy. In Minnesota, we stopped doing that sometime around 1983. Here’s the local news format on all local TV stations for the first four minutes: Possible leading national story, possible leading state or local story, teaser for some quirky, funny or shocking segment, teaser for sports, teaser for weather.
If someone dies, they get a minute. If there is a killer or a rapist on the loose, they get a full ninety seconds. If a baby can hiccup the alphabet, they give the baby fifteen minutes.
Fire all the local amateur news anchors and let the grown-ups anchor the news. Even Jon Stewart actually covers some pertinent news issues.
7. American Idol – While American Idol is reality TV at its finest, it is time to kill reality TV. Paula is a rube, Randy is inoffensive at best and Simon Cowell is always right – which is why everyone thinks he is a jerk. He tells the truth and the truth hurts. But not as much as the amateurs who screech and wail their way out the door. The only thing American Idol has proved is that you can create a pop start out of nothing. They just took it to the next level by broadcasting the auditions and selling more merchandise.
Anybody remember Star Search? Same Sh#t, Different Decade.
6. Survivor – This is the crème de la crème of competitive reality challenges. All other shows that came after Survivor were just copycats. That being said, it’s time to go. How many people do we need to bring together how many times before we figure out that the most physically fit people will always win the final challenges? Sheesh. We get it. Fat people can’t run or win stamina contests. How about some brain puzzles?
5. Extreme Makeover Home Edition – We get it. Someone experiences tragedy. Sears and ABC rebuild their house for free during a one or two hour commercial. We don’t care. Get over yourselves already. It’s obvious you care more about commercials than compassion. Quick, show another power tool or a new car!
4. 24 – Either rename it “The Never Ending Story” and bring back Atreyu, or kill Jack Bauer.
3. Lost – The real trick about this show is where the script has been going for the last three years. That’s nowhere. The writers are lost - filling in back-story. Every new season only brings us farther away from series fulfillment and plotline completion. The only way to end this show will be to announce a “final season” so they can complete a friggin’ story arc. Either that or write in the Skipper and Gilligan and the SS Minnow and have them get everyone off that damn island once and for all.
2. Battlestar Galactica – This is the worst show on TV. This show is so low-budget that they didn’t even want to spend money on Cylon costumes so they altered the story and made them “9th generation” to explain the lack of technology. I keep expecting to see spaceships on strings fly past the screen or maybe a “Made with a Mac” watermark. At least the original BSG series had some actual stars in it like Lorne Greene, Dirk Benedict and Jane Seymour. This lazy BSG effort has D-list actors and Xena. It’s time to either spend some money on this show and bring it to prime-time or relegate “Battlestar” to “convention” status.
1. Grey’s Anatomy – I just named Battlestar Galactica the worst show, but somehow, Grey’s Anatomy is even worse than the worst show on TV. The acting is mediocre, at best. My preferred plotline would be for all the interns to drown. I would also enjoy watching them all contract an STD and die. Where other hospital dramas have enjoyed great writing and long standing power (Trapper John MD, ER, Saint Elsewhere), Grey’s Anatomy is a comedy that sometimes tries to be a drama and this deadly combination makes it easily the most terrible hospital show to ever grace the small screen.
Dr. McDreamy was at his best in “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Meredith is too old and unconvincing to be a “young intern”. This show’s only saving grace is Dr. Bailey who is expertly played by Chandra Wilson. They should fire everyone else and re-brand the show as Dr. Bailey’s Show. It would also be cool to move Dr. Bailey to Chicago and have her go work in the ER. It would be the best of both worlds.
Grey’s Anatomy first jumped the shark when they had a “Code Black” on immediately after the Superbowl and they ran teasers all the way through. It has been jumping every week since. Words will never be able to capture just how bad this show is.
Sometimes on other “hospital” shows you will hear a medical term here or there, but not on Grey’s Anatomy. They would rather use cutesy, pop-phrases like “vajayjay” instead of making their idiotic viewers feel stupid.
There will never be another show on TV as poorly written or badly acted as Grey’s Anatomy.
If I had married Tea Leoni and starred in film and TV with Gillian Anderson, I would have the exact same problem. How many love children do you have David? - #
An 8n5 August Superbowl dream prediction: Packers vs. Jets, the Heir Apparent vs. the Air up There! - #
LCDs are getting cheaper, but this is a top-rated 22" monitor and is a sweet deal available at General Nanosystems in Minneapolis. I picked one up yesterday. (8/5) The sale is over! - #
World's first Tesla crash? Maybe... - #
This Wired commentary pretty much sums up the grind of an MMORPG. For me, the grind is a love/hate relationship. - #
The King is Dead. Maybe JT can bring spam back next! - #