Minneapolis Bar Review

I implemented a traditional 5-star rating system of my personal favorite Minneapolis bars. Many places on this list have a pool table or two. Williams and Old Chicago (downtown) have three or more.

If I was only going to three bars and traveling and parking is not an issue, I would start at Glueck’s, go to Nye’s, and then go to Brit’s or The Local. If my third choice was to head to Uptown, then I would go to Williams (unless my wife let me pick the C.C. Club which is a dive that only I love.)

If I was going to only three bars and would be walking in the Downtown Area only, I would go to Rosen’s, Glueck’s and O’Donovan’s (not necessarily in that order).

If your bar is not on this list, it is because your bar is an inferior establishment and should be razed and converted into a nice condo unit.

Downtown (Block E or Nicollett Mall):
3 stars - Glueck’s One block North of Target Center and live music on weekends.

2 stars - Hard Rock Cafe Across street from Target Center. They have a nice patio in the summer. It can be a little loud and trendy for me.

3 stars - O’Donovan’s Across the street from Hard Rock/Target Center/1st Ave - south. This is my kind of pub. It has corners to hide in if you need to.

3 stars - First Avenue & 7th Street Entry (probably too lound to talk - Across the street from Hard Rock/Target Center - south, but before O’ Donovan’s. This is a Minneapolis classic. If you have never been to Minneapolis and you will be here only one night you should at least check out the scene.

2 stars - Old Chicago - Walkable from Glueck’s. Downstairs meat market and pool tables.

2 stars - Rosen’s - Walkable from Glueck’s.

2 stars - Rock Bottom Brewery - I forget exactly where it is. Check the website.

4 stars - Brit’s Pub - Nicollett Mall. This is my favorite bar on Nicollett Mall. I love the atmosphere, food and beer.

3 stars - The Local - Nicollett Mall. This is my second favorite bar on Nicollet Mall. A good Irish pub. This place has agreat atmosphere as well.

Really, ALL downtown bars are walkable once you get downtown…but you might want to try to park between Block E and Nicollett Mall if you are going to hit both. Otherwise there is a parking ramp directly UNDER the Block E entertainment complex.

Nordeast:
If you can venture just a half mile north of downtown you can discover one of my favorite bars and you will be see

Minneapolis LEGEND Ruth Adams and the World’s Most Dangerous POLKA Band!!

5 stars - Nye’s - They also server Polish cuisine. Kielbasa, pierogies, and golabki…oh my!

Ruth Adams and the WMDPB website is here. If you don’t go this weekend you should go soon because Ruth is not getting any younger and she has been playing Nye’s for 20 years.

Nye’s is one of my favorite places to go…but be ready to polka!

4 stars - Gasthofs and Mario’s Keller Bar. This is a KICK-ASS German eating and drinking establishment. Mario’s is in the basement. The first time I discovered that there was a bar in the basement I was celebrating a birthday for a friend. Suddenly, people of all ages started pouring into the place and heading straight downstairs. I expected a thumpa-thumpa-thumpa- to begin but when I got there it was a major Polka party. A total trip, and while I can’t polka for a damn this is a fun place to go.

Uptown:
2 stars - Old Chicago

3 stars - Williams Uptown Pub - This place has pool tables and if there doesn’t seem to be room upstairs they usually have more seating downstairs.

2 stars - Rudolph’s Themed after Rudolph Valentino. BBQ joint. This place was a themed restaurant before themed restaurants became national chains. Lots of room and you can hear conversations.

2 stars - Mortimer’s Lots of room and you can hear conversations. This is a good place to drink if you are intending on getting wasted in Uptown and stumbling between Rudolph’s, Mortimers, The Red Dragon and the Leaning Tower.

3 stars - The Red Dragon - To accelerate your guest’s drunkenness you will want to order the “Wanderer’s Punch”…but if you are the driver…skip it! Purists may note that the name of the drink is actually called a “Wondrous Punch”. I called the Red Dragon and the person I spoke to on the phone said, “Same difference.” So no matter what call it when you order…you will receive a potent concoction that will yield the same result: intoxication! I like to call it “Wanderer’s Punch” because once you have had a couple you tend to wander around. Others prefer “Wondrous Punch” because they believe it has a “Wondrous Punch”. Bottom line: If you order something that starts with a “W,” you will get fucked up. And not JUST in politics…

3 stars - The Leaning Tower of Pizza - With a name like this, how can it NOT make my list?

4 stars - Liquor Lyle’s Three pool tables, stiff drinks, a good time.

4 stars - C.C. Club - My favorite UPTOWN dive.

2 stars - The Bulldog - The best thing for me is that this is across the street from my favorite dive: The C.C. Club.

Comedy Clubs:
I love comedy clubs and both of these places are fun:
4 stars - Downtown: Acme Comedy Club

4 stars - Uptown: Brave New Workshop

Nudie Bars:
There are no nudie bars in downtown Minneapolis worthy of your hard earned dollars. For a great time that is easier on your wallet head down to South Saint Paul and go to King of Diamonds. (5 stars) Trust me, it will be worth it!